Mother-in Law Advice: Just Say Yes
I have written a number of times about the power of saying “No.” Today, I want to say something about saying “Yes.”
If you are are a parent like me, you say “no” to a lot. No to chocolate at bedtime. No to hitting your sister. No to wearing flip-flops for bike-riding. That’s as it should be. Parents need to set limits and keep their kids healthy and safe. The problem is that “no” can become a reflex. If I’m not careful, I catch myself saying “no” to things for no reason and without even thinking. Or saying “no” because I am in auto-pilot-hurry-mode, in which I am so used to rushing around with a totally jammed schedule that I act as if we are in a hurry even when we are not. Habitually maximizing efficiency at the expense of my values — fun, family, connection — pointless!
My mother-in-law, Roianne, gave me some good advice: say yes to your children as much as possible. Wise words indeed.
Today, as Graham (nearly 4) and I were walking to his preschool in Glen Canyon Park, he asked if we could walk a less direct way to school from our usual route. “No” was on my tongue, but I thought, Why not? What’s our hurry? Today was the one day I didn’t have to dash immediately from drop-off to a client call. “Sure,” I said, and we went out of our way so that we could watch the tractor-mower cutting the grass. We stood at the edge of the ballfield watching, smelling the new-mown grass, waving at the driver. And when he finished and the two arms of the mower folded up like a Transformer, we were delighted.
So the next time your kid (or your partner) suggests something unexpected, time-consuming, inefficient, or unconventional that is not unsafe or unkind (a bath in the afternoon, a detour down an unknown street, a messy activity, whatever), ask yourself why not, and just say YES!
The days are long, the years are short. (Check out this short film by
